i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
