well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
