do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
