If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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