If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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