dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
