I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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