theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
