Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's never too late to be topless.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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