Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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