oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
