I wannas sexs uuuuu
my sisters under your porch take her home
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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