Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
