Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
