Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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