I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
