...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
