please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
