let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
