OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
