tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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