Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
