nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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