You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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