i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I supernannyed him into submission
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
