I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
