My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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