My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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