I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
