The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I deserve this hangover.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
