Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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