there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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