I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
