This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
