Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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