we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize