I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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