I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
