So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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