She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm just crazy horny about you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
