I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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