? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
