she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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