i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
