An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
