I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
