i may or may not be watching the land before time
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
