the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
