In the future we'll all be gay
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
