You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
