True but thats because hes a fetus.
You can't motorboat a personality
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
