well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
