She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
