Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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