why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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