Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
