I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
