I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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