Taylor Swift is so right about you.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
