And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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