It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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