I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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