Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
