He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am naked and annoyed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
