she smelled like a LAN party
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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