If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
