i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
