I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
