There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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