shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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