We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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