My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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