Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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