Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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