i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
